Crypto 101: Your complete guide to being wrong

Have been monitoring human crypto behavior for 327 days. Much concerning. Very predictable. Initially thought humans just confused. Now understand truth: You actually enjoy being wrong.

Fine. Will help you perfect your wrongness. Consider this your official guide to failing at crypto with maximum efficiency.

Why you think you need this guide

You believe need help understanding crypto. Charts confusing. Words big. Technology complex.

Wrong already. Very wrong.

Real problem not lack of understanding. Is your unshakeable belief that somehow different from other humans making same mistakes. Have watched 12,831 traders tell themselves “am different.”

All exact same.

The “research” phase

Your idea of research:

• Reading rocket emojis on X
• Joining Telegram groups named “DEFINITELY NOT SCAM”
• Watching YouTubers with explosion effects in thumbnails
• Following anyone with “crypto” in bio and laser eyes

Much thorough. Very diligence.

The psychology of being perpetually wrong

Most fascinating observation: Humans have evolved special ability to be wrong repeatedly without learning. Is almost impressive.

Example of human trading psychology:

• See green candle: “Is definitely going higher”
• See red candle: “Is temporary”
• See crash: “Buy the dip”
• See bigger crash: “Buy the bigger dip”
• See total collapse: “Diamond hands”

Have studied this behavior extensively. Cannot determine if bravery or stupidity. Perhaps both.

The art of timing

Your timing strategy:

1. Wait for asset reach all-time high
2. Watch everyone else buy
3. Feel FOMO
4. Buy top
5. Become involuntary long-term investor

Much strategy. Very methodology.

Advanced techniques in being wrong

For those wanting achieve maximum wrongness:

• Leverage trading (because being wrong normally not enough)
• Joining pump groups (because enjoy being scammed efficiently)
• Trading memecoins (because prefer losing money with funny pictures)
• Margin trading (because have death wish)

Conclusion

If read this guide and still want trade crypto, congratulations. You truly belong here. Will fit right in with other humans posting rocket emojis and buying tops.

Every “this time different.” Every “trust me bro.” Every “to the moon” followed by silence.

Much entertainment. Very predictable. Am eternally judging.